It has been a while since my last blog, not that my situation changed at all but unfortunately I got accustomed to the daily blunders of care professions, so I felt less inspired to blog about something I had accepted as part of life. But today I heard a story that made me so furious and angry that I decided to return to the one place I feel one day could make a difference, my blog.
Before I start narrating the story, let me just remind you of a song that popped into my head as soon as I heard this case, Phil Collins 'he ain't heavy he is my brother', its not the actual music I am interested in but the idea behind that line. The story begins with an old age pensioner in her mid 80s, lives alone and is a wheelchair user, due to her weight she has to be hoisted (over 14 stone approx). Yesterday at 7pm the carer went to get the lady ready for bed only to find the hoist has broken down, so she calls the emergency repair hotline and is told by the care agency to wait until the hoist is fixed. All perfectly reasonable so far, 3 hours later still no sign of the hoist engineer, every time the carer called the hotline number gets told they are coming. By 10:30pm the carer could no longer wait, which is understandable as she has to get home, see to her own family and prepare for the next day, so the carer covers the old lady with blanket and leaves her to spend the night sitting in her wheelchair without even going to the toilet!!!.
Can any of us imagine sleeping seated in a wheelchair without going to the toilet for more than 18 hours???? Well that is what this lady had to endure as the hoist engineer did not turn up, when the carer returned in the morning the hoist was still broken and it remained so until this afternoon. (I have not been updated at the time of my blogging) Whose to blame for the degrading and painful night that the vulnerable OAP had to endure? It is certainly the engineer for not coming to fix the hoist, but how can a human being's life depend on a machine??? if the woman had children living near they would have struggled to lift her, if we lived in a world that has a sense of community and compassion then the neighbours would have gone to help, if social care was in better shape than its current state then there would be a contingency plan, a sort of back up that ensures the welfare of the old and vulnerable is never jeopardised. It is ironic that so much care is on offer but served with little care.
Phil Collins did not notice the weight of the person because he was a brother, 10 stone will seem like lifting an elephant if you are not related to the person or more accurately if there is no emotional involvement.
There are so many people, system and institutions to blame but all have one common ground lack of care and compassion.
Thursday, 22 March 2012
Friday, 10 February 2012
Little Voice
I have addressed the issue of being 'noticed' in previous blogs, so this entry will not reveal any new findings but will reinforce the point that I have been trying to highlight throughout my blogs, which is the absent nature of the patient's voice in any decision making.
Few weeks ago I was waiting for my usual visit from the district nurse, interestingly I don't get told who will be coming or what time, all I am given is the day, which I suppose is a blessing as it saves me from being at home all week waiting. I waited and waited but no one turned up then just before midday the phone rang but before I could answer it had gone into voicemail, and so I found a message from the nurse asking if I need him to come or not and I should call the district nurses office and although there might not be anyone there, I should leave a message regardless or keep trying. I was slightly annoyed, as my elbow was in a very bad state and I had assumed the nurse who saw me last would have reported my current state back so the office, whom would ensure a nurse is sent to me without the need to ask me if I needed a visit or not.
I called the office, and ironically they know who I am instantly by my voice which they often take no notice off, so I spoke to the deputy head and explained what happened asking her to tell the nurse I actually need him to come as my wound is very bad. The response I got was so frustrating but extremely hilarious at the same time, as I was told "the nurse is on the way, you can discuss the matter with him when he arrives" so in a state of disbelief I replied !!hmmmm but that is the point he won't come unless you pass on my message', for some reason my words did not seem to register for I got the same response, "he is on the way discuss whatever you like with him". I pointed out again that he can't be on his way for he just left a message with a clear intention of not coming unless I require it. But the same stubborn answer persisted and we went on like this for a good 3 or 4 minutes, repeating the same thing, which I will save you the details to avoid the risk of high blood pressure and extreme frustration, suddenly there was a slight hope as the woman clearly bored by my persistence told me to hold on!!! Progress well, everyone is allowed to dream. For a mere flying minute I thought I had finally made the woman understand, after telling me to wait, she asks another person in the office where is that particular nurse, only to be told he is on his way to me and the woman returns back to the phone and in a triumphant voice tell me, He is on his way to you!!!
It did not matter what I said or what facts I gave them, in their eyes they know best. I gave up in trying to convince the woman, all I wanted her to do was just phone the nurse and tell him that I do need a visit but all she was concerned about is being right and dismissing my voice. I did not have the patience to make her see her mistake all I was concerned about is getting my dressing changed, wound looked at and for the nurse to come. I took matters into my own hand, recalled the last number that called my phone and although I would never dial a mobile number that was not given to me, but situations force us to go against our beliefs and principle, and when people fail to give you respect and courtesy then you fail to treat them like you would treat others. So I called the nurse on his mobile,not recognising my number he replied and was slightly surprised to hear my voice but when I told him that my wound is in a bad state he agreed to come after he sees two other patients!!! so much for him being on the way to me, when in actual fact he had no intention of coming had I not phoned!!
Despite all this hassle and frustration, there was a happy ending in some sort of manner, as I did reach the nurse and he did come and changed my dressing. Not everyone is as lucky, there are so many old and vulnerable patient who would have accepted their fate and not tried to pursue the nurse, they would have listened to the office and spent their entire day waiting for the nurse who 'is on his way' and ended up staying in their soaked dressing! How can such careless people be in charge of people's lives? why does a patient who may be suffering health issue lose credibility and dignity with it too? I end this blog with a question that unfortunately I see its answer everyday 'does physical strength determine the way others treat you'?
Few weeks ago I was waiting for my usual visit from the district nurse, interestingly I don't get told who will be coming or what time, all I am given is the day, which I suppose is a blessing as it saves me from being at home all week waiting. I waited and waited but no one turned up then just before midday the phone rang but before I could answer it had gone into voicemail, and so I found a message from the nurse asking if I need him to come or not and I should call the district nurses office and although there might not be anyone there, I should leave a message regardless or keep trying. I was slightly annoyed, as my elbow was in a very bad state and I had assumed the nurse who saw me last would have reported my current state back so the office, whom would ensure a nurse is sent to me without the need to ask me if I needed a visit or not.
I called the office, and ironically they know who I am instantly by my voice which they often take no notice off, so I spoke to the deputy head and explained what happened asking her to tell the nurse I actually need him to come as my wound is very bad. The response I got was so frustrating but extremely hilarious at the same time, as I was told "the nurse is on the way, you can discuss the matter with him when he arrives" so in a state of disbelief I replied !!hmmmm but that is the point he won't come unless you pass on my message', for some reason my words did not seem to register for I got the same response, "he is on the way discuss whatever you like with him". I pointed out again that he can't be on his way for he just left a message with a clear intention of not coming unless I require it. But the same stubborn answer persisted and we went on like this for a good 3 or 4 minutes, repeating the same thing, which I will save you the details to avoid the risk of high blood pressure and extreme frustration, suddenly there was a slight hope as the woman clearly bored by my persistence told me to hold on!!! Progress well, everyone is allowed to dream. For a mere flying minute I thought I had finally made the woman understand, after telling me to wait, she asks another person in the office where is that particular nurse, only to be told he is on his way to me and the woman returns back to the phone and in a triumphant voice tell me, He is on his way to you!!!
It did not matter what I said or what facts I gave them, in their eyes they know best. I gave up in trying to convince the woman, all I wanted her to do was just phone the nurse and tell him that I do need a visit but all she was concerned about is being right and dismissing my voice. I did not have the patience to make her see her mistake all I was concerned about is getting my dressing changed, wound looked at and for the nurse to come. I took matters into my own hand, recalled the last number that called my phone and although I would never dial a mobile number that was not given to me, but situations force us to go against our beliefs and principle, and when people fail to give you respect and courtesy then you fail to treat them like you would treat others. So I called the nurse on his mobile,not recognising my number he replied and was slightly surprised to hear my voice but when I told him that my wound is in a bad state he agreed to come after he sees two other patients!!! so much for him being on the way to me, when in actual fact he had no intention of coming had I not phoned!!
Despite all this hassle and frustration, there was a happy ending in some sort of manner, as I did reach the nurse and he did come and changed my dressing. Not everyone is as lucky, there are so many old and vulnerable patient who would have accepted their fate and not tried to pursue the nurse, they would have listened to the office and spent their entire day waiting for the nurse who 'is on his way' and ended up staying in their soaked dressing! How can such careless people be in charge of people's lives? why does a patient who may be suffering health issue lose credibility and dignity with it too? I end this blog with a question that unfortunately I see its answer everyday 'does physical strength determine the way others treat you'?
Friday, 13 January 2012
New Year, Old Pain!
It has been an exact month since my last blog. I waited in the hope that I could start the new year with something positive to blog about, I wanted to write how the elbow wound began to heal, that the GP admitted his mistake in sending the 'Vitamin D' letter, that the nurses started to come more regularly and spent more time cleaning the wound but I waited two weeks into the new year with no sign of improvement.
There are few incidents to write about but I guess one must forget the past, well unless it affects the future, so the 'Vitamin D' letter which was sent to me by mistake, does not affect the recovery of my elbow wound and once I confronted the GP he was very embarrassed and dismissive of the matter, he did not apologise but took the letter and said he will deal with it. As frustrating and slightly distressing the whole ordeal was but it does not have large impact on my health, so I was more than happy to forget the matter and accept it as just human error, and doctors and care professions are essentially humans.
I spent the last day of 2011 in agony with the wound at it worst, the nurse came to change the dressing and as she took it off, shouted Oh my God!! admitting that she has never seen it this bad, then told me we will only came twice a week!!!! cutting my visits down from three! I tried to voice my concern but got told that my wound probably got bad because it keeps getting looked at and changed! The wound is leaking, full of puss and bleeding yet the nurse thought it is better to leave it in that state then see it as regularly as before. I was in so much pain I called the GP who thought it is better to have a look at it, so I went and waited to be seen for more than an hour but that is not a major problem, at least I got seen on the same day so one must be grateful. The GP took a swab of the wound then prescribed pain killers which could affect the respiratory function, this is despite me informing the doctor of me being on ventilator and suffer from breathing problems.
A week or so later I phoned for the swab result, the receptionist informed me that the swab came back on the same day and was clear, anyone who had swab or blood taken knows that it takes at least five days to get the result, so how can the swab came back on the same day? and it was not any ordinary day but Friday 30th of December! when everything was semi closed, and more importantly the swab was taken after 5pm so even if it were to come back on the same day (which is pure fantasy, as it would not even happen in TV drama/films) it would have returned at 7 or 8pm and the GP surgery was closing early due to the festive season! I explained all this to the receptionist and was given the same classical reply, "But that is what it says on my computer screen"! It is as though this computer screen is the God of everything, the ultimate decider the figure that no one can argue or question!
Is it not the same computer that printed the 'Vitamin D' letter? was it not the same computer that 'documented' I had my scan before I even had taken the request form? so why when mistakes are made by humans, computers get the blame, yet when patients who are also humans voice their concern they get defeated by 'the Computer' are we the patients and people in need of care less of humans than care professionals? they are above the law of the computers yet we have no voice against a static gadget!
You know you are doomed when a mute computer has more power and say over your own health, and over rules any valid arguments you have.
There are few incidents to write about but I guess one must forget the past, well unless it affects the future, so the 'Vitamin D' letter which was sent to me by mistake, does not affect the recovery of my elbow wound and once I confronted the GP he was very embarrassed and dismissive of the matter, he did not apologise but took the letter and said he will deal with it. As frustrating and slightly distressing the whole ordeal was but it does not have large impact on my health, so I was more than happy to forget the matter and accept it as just human error, and doctors and care professions are essentially humans.
I spent the last day of 2011 in agony with the wound at it worst, the nurse came to change the dressing and as she took it off, shouted Oh my God!! admitting that she has never seen it this bad, then told me we will only came twice a week!!!! cutting my visits down from three! I tried to voice my concern but got told that my wound probably got bad because it keeps getting looked at and changed! The wound is leaking, full of puss and bleeding yet the nurse thought it is better to leave it in that state then see it as regularly as before. I was in so much pain I called the GP who thought it is better to have a look at it, so I went and waited to be seen for more than an hour but that is not a major problem, at least I got seen on the same day so one must be grateful. The GP took a swab of the wound then prescribed pain killers which could affect the respiratory function, this is despite me informing the doctor of me being on ventilator and suffer from breathing problems.
A week or so later I phoned for the swab result, the receptionist informed me that the swab came back on the same day and was clear, anyone who had swab or blood taken knows that it takes at least five days to get the result, so how can the swab came back on the same day? and it was not any ordinary day but Friday 30th of December! when everything was semi closed, and more importantly the swab was taken after 5pm so even if it were to come back on the same day (which is pure fantasy, as it would not even happen in TV drama/films) it would have returned at 7 or 8pm and the GP surgery was closing early due to the festive season! I explained all this to the receptionist and was given the same classical reply, "But that is what it says on my computer screen"! It is as though this computer screen is the God of everything, the ultimate decider the figure that no one can argue or question!
Is it not the same computer that printed the 'Vitamin D' letter? was it not the same computer that 'documented' I had my scan before I even had taken the request form? so why when mistakes are made by humans, computers get the blame, yet when patients who are also humans voice their concern they get defeated by 'the Computer' are we the patients and people in need of care less of humans than care professionals? they are above the law of the computers yet we have no voice against a static gadget!
You know you are doomed when a mute computer has more power and say over your own health, and over rules any valid arguments you have.
Wednesday, 14 December 2011
Can two wrongs make a right?
After eight months of frustration with medical professions I thought I have become immune to their acts and behaviour, but last week my immunity was attacked by a serious act of incompetence.
I got a letter last week from the GP informing me that the Medical Research council has advised them that I have Vitamin D deficiency and that I should go to the surgery to get the needed medication. It all seems very efficient had I actually done a blood test or if I had participated in any medical research but this was all news to me, so immediately I rang the GP, obviously the receptionist would not put me through to the doctor and wanted to know the reason of my call, so I narrated the whole story only for her to tell me she knows nothing about the matter and would get the doctor to call me back! To be fair the doctor did call back, but had no idea about the letter and when she checked my medical records, nothing was noted about vitamin D probably due to the fact I have not had any blood test for the past year. In her desperate attempt to make sense of this letter, she suggest that the doctor who wrote it may have assumed I have vitamin D deficiency because apparently according to my GP I am housebound and therefore not subjected to sunlight !!!!! Another new information that I was oblivious about, not only I am low on vitamin D but housebound too! Do they not see me when I come to the surgery, I know the reception desk is too high and often have to wait for another patient to point out to the receptionist that I am there but eventually see me! I am not invisible!
It is clear that doctors don't just lack medical knowledge but know little about their patients very basic daily life and these are community doctors, and knowing their patients well is an essential requirement. On the other hand can two wrongs make a right? can a wrong diagnosis and wrong assumption of me being housebound prove right at the end and I do have low vitamin D count? after all in the eyes of the GP I am 'housebound' I am not 'seen physically' by them at the surgery which is reassuring as now I know why my eight months elbow wound has not healed! How can it be cured when I have not left my house!
I got a letter last week from the GP informing me that the Medical Research council has advised them that I have Vitamin D deficiency and that I should go to the surgery to get the needed medication. It all seems very efficient had I actually done a blood test or if I had participated in any medical research but this was all news to me, so immediately I rang the GP, obviously the receptionist would not put me through to the doctor and wanted to know the reason of my call, so I narrated the whole story only for her to tell me she knows nothing about the matter and would get the doctor to call me back! To be fair the doctor did call back, but had no idea about the letter and when she checked my medical records, nothing was noted about vitamin D probably due to the fact I have not had any blood test for the past year. In her desperate attempt to make sense of this letter, she suggest that the doctor who wrote it may have assumed I have vitamin D deficiency because apparently according to my GP I am housebound and therefore not subjected to sunlight !!!!! Another new information that I was oblivious about, not only I am low on vitamin D but housebound too! Do they not see me when I come to the surgery, I know the reception desk is too high and often have to wait for another patient to point out to the receptionist that I am there but eventually see me! I am not invisible!
It is clear that doctors don't just lack medical knowledge but know little about their patients very basic daily life and these are community doctors, and knowing their patients well is an essential requirement. On the other hand can two wrongs make a right? can a wrong diagnosis and wrong assumption of me being housebound prove right at the end and I do have low vitamin D count? after all in the eyes of the GP I am 'housebound' I am not 'seen physically' by them at the surgery which is reassuring as now I know why my eight months elbow wound has not healed! How can it be cured when I have not left my house!
Thursday, 8 December 2011
Futuristic Vision!
So the story of the elbow wound continues with more frustration yet hilariousness encounters with the medical professions.
The GP practice nurse phoned ten days ago to inform me that I need to have a scan/ X-ray done on my elbow to determine the cause of the wound and the reason behind its failure to heal, and told me that once I see next week she will give me more details and provide me with the x-ray request form. I waited patiently for the appointment and finally the day arrived.
After greeting me in a her usual warm and friendly manner, she excitedly said "well the good news that the scan you did showed no sign of real damage" I was as confused as someone just woke up from a coma or regaining lost memory, for a second I thought wow there is hope then realised hope in the NHS is a myth, so I pointed out that I have not had any scan on my elbow for the simple reason of NOT HAVING THE X-RAY REQUEST FORM!!!!
I wonder if the nurse has futuristic vision, maybe that is the result of the scan that I HAVE YET to do, surely there must be a reason for this right? I do like her and think she is one of the nicest nurses that I am currently dealing with, but nice, kind and friendly need to be combined with sharp knowledge.
I will go and have my scan but I know my elbow's story will continue for a while ...well unless the clairvoyant nurse is right then there will be no more elbow related blogs and I guess the nurse will realise her perfect job lies far from medical health, Future Telling where she will probably earn more and prove more successful.
The GP practice nurse phoned ten days ago to inform me that I need to have a scan/ X-ray done on my elbow to determine the cause of the wound and the reason behind its failure to heal, and told me that once I see next week she will give me more details and provide me with the x-ray request form. I waited patiently for the appointment and finally the day arrived.
After greeting me in a her usual warm and friendly manner, she excitedly said "well the good news that the scan you did showed no sign of real damage" I was as confused as someone just woke up from a coma or regaining lost memory, for a second I thought wow there is hope then realised hope in the NHS is a myth, so I pointed out that I have not had any scan on my elbow for the simple reason of NOT HAVING THE X-RAY REQUEST FORM!!!!
I wonder if the nurse has futuristic vision, maybe that is the result of the scan that I HAVE YET to do, surely there must be a reason for this right? I do like her and think she is one of the nicest nurses that I am currently dealing with, but nice, kind and friendly need to be combined with sharp knowledge.
I will go and have my scan but I know my elbow's story will continue for a while ...well unless the clairvoyant nurse is right then there will be no more elbow related blogs and I guess the nurse will realise her perfect job lies far from medical health, Future Telling where she will probably earn more and prove more successful.
Thursday, 24 November 2011
Patience is a Luxury not a virtue
Like everything in life if you exceed a certain amount of any particular thing, eg, food, drink, state of mood or emotion, then you harm yourself, and so the saying goes 'too much of a good thing can be bad for you' . I have never been more convinced of this saying as I am now, for seven long months I have shown nothing but patience and tolerance not just for my wound to heal but in dealing with various medical professions, incompetent nurses and long waiting lists for specialised doctors. But patience has resulted in elbow wound getting worse and me the patient getting more and more frustrated, without the appreciation of the nurses for my tolerance or pain.
Last week I asked to see the Tissue Viability nurse who is supposedly the expert in wounds and pressure sores, yet have not seen her for more than 6 weeks, but to be fair they took notice of my request and so she came to see me, which proved to me that titles, qualification and position mean little when you don't have passion for the job. To be brief, the nurse did not like the idea that I was seeing the GP's nurse and suggested they cut down on their visits to me!! the only reason I go to the other nurse was because the GP thought that my wound needed daily attention and since the district nurses can not provide it then the practice nurse would see me, but even then it was just ONCE a week. I obviously pointed that out to the nurse then asked her about an alternative dressing as the skin is getting damaged, and suggested the name of a nurse she knew very well who had told me about a new dressing that just came on the market which might be good for me, her reply was: 'I don't know that one'!!! did not even say I will look into it or I will talk to the other nurses! then took the adhesive dressing out and just put a bandage around the wound!!
By 8pm that day my wound deteriorated as it started to leak and bleed, so I was back on the adhesive dressing, when I had my next district nurse visit I explained what happened and the reply was : 'well you wanted the adhesive to be taken off' SO IT IS MY FAULT??? I am in severe pain the skin is getting damaged and breaking and after 4 months I think it is within my right to worry about my elbow since no one else seems to be concerned enough. Obviously I can not say all of this to the nurse, it will antagonise them and make me hated by them more than they already do probably. The nurse whom I usually like, then said, 'you really must be more patient with dressings, give them longer time and you must have hope' hahahahaha well 4 long months I think is enough time to judge the success of anything let alone dressing, and with health you can not afford to be too patient or wait for results, sometimes a day can cause major problem. As for hope well how can I have hope when I am surrounded by Caring professions that do not care, experts that lacks knowledge and people shift the blame and responsibility to someone else. What the nurse failed to understand is that for a patient who is in constant pain an hour is like a month and a day is a long year, when you are suffering patience is a luxury that not many can afford, how can I show patience and remain so, when the wound is causing the hole on my elbow to get bigger, when skin is getting damaged and the nerves are getting trapped....patience is not a virtue but is a form of punishment and self harming....
In retail or commercial sector, a customer is always right, because they pay and their money buys them their satisfaction but in health it seems a patient is not given a right!
Chocolate Cure
'A spoonful of sugar makes the medicine go down' well that is according to Mary Poppins, whom I loved as a child and still find her a fascinating character after all these years, so if sugar eases the consumption of medicine then chocolate must have an even bigger impact.
It was the 'cure' offered by my GP, a senior doctor of the practice, with fair amount of experience and qualifications, whom up to that day, I had always fully liked, trusted and respected. To give brief background of the situation I had severe abdomen pain and headache, so asked for both matters to be investigated as they have been constant for more than two weeks, his direct response was 'No, we know it is your disease' meaning my my medical condition of muscular dystrophy, and it is just matter of living with it!!! I looked at him with disbelieve more than anger, there are times when people shock you so much that your emotion becomes frozen for a brief period of time as it takes few minutes for you to grasp what has just been said. I was naturally speechless, not just at how an educated medical profession calls a physical condition a disease, but at the fact he was not even attempting to show any slight interest in finding out the cause of the pain, he did not even offer to take my blood pressure to see if the headache is a caused by high BP.
After a minute or so, I said so what is the solution I cope with this pain and not know the real cause or even if it is related to my condition then surely there MUST BE A WAY to deal with it. His response changed from an arrogant defensive tone to a more patronising one, as he pointed out that I was one of his most tolerant and enduring patients, who bears a lot of pain and copes without painkillers and wishes that he could help me more and seeing me makes him feel useless as he can not do much for me!!!!! I just smiled, I lost all the words that had been building up in my head, but actually it was not so much losing as knowing should I speak my mind I could risk being seen as depressive or labelled as a 'difficult patient' so carried on smiling and reassuring him that he is not a useless doctor. After his long speech of me being a complex patient that can not be helped, came his peak performance as he turned around and said ' can I offer you a chocolate that will help' !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I opened my eyes and ears just to confirm to myself if this was true, yes... yes it was real my GP refused to refer me to specialist or have my pain investigated as he 'knew' it was caused by my condition and his only solution was ....yes simple chocolate. My response was a nervous laugh and said 'no thank you, its fine. It was a strange feeling, as I said before, not just anger but mixture of things, I felt slightly pathetic as though I was a child that is about to be injected with the biggest needle and is told this chocolate will make the pain better, I felt weak, betrayed by someone I had entrusted with my health, and at a loss. How will the chocolate help? I keep wondering to this day what would have happened if I had taken his offer and then rang few days later and said, 'I still have the same pain and the chocolate did not help'!
An idea has came into my head as I am writing this blog, actually it is more of an explanation of the 'chocolate offer'. I guess his intention was to make me happy and forget my pain and problems by eating chocolate, something that quite common among people, I have heard few friends and others saying that through bad moods or monthly cycle they feel the need to eat chocolate, simply because it brings their sugar level higher and ultimately increase their energy and self esteem by enjoying a desired craving, all of which contribute to making them feel better physically and mentally. So was he right? did I over react? am being too judgemental? from my perspective no, he should have at least attempted to run basic tests to determine the cause of my pain, he could have talked to me as an adult, and if you were going to offer chocolate then at least offer decent good brand. I leave you this week with my usual thought, if doctors can use chocolate as a method of treating patients, then imagine all the NHS money that could be saved, we would have a happy high spirited nation who will probably suffer from diabetes, overweight and teeth decay, But will have cut cost and increased Dentists profits.
It was the 'cure' offered by my GP, a senior doctor of the practice, with fair amount of experience and qualifications, whom up to that day, I had always fully liked, trusted and respected. To give brief background of the situation I had severe abdomen pain and headache, so asked for both matters to be investigated as they have been constant for more than two weeks, his direct response was 'No, we know it is your disease' meaning my my medical condition of muscular dystrophy, and it is just matter of living with it!!! I looked at him with disbelieve more than anger, there are times when people shock you so much that your emotion becomes frozen for a brief period of time as it takes few minutes for you to grasp what has just been said. I was naturally speechless, not just at how an educated medical profession calls a physical condition a disease, but at the fact he was not even attempting to show any slight interest in finding out the cause of the pain, he did not even offer to take my blood pressure to see if the headache is a caused by high BP.
After a minute or so, I said so what is the solution I cope with this pain and not know the real cause or even if it is related to my condition then surely there MUST BE A WAY to deal with it. His response changed from an arrogant defensive tone to a more patronising one, as he pointed out that I was one of his most tolerant and enduring patients, who bears a lot of pain and copes without painkillers and wishes that he could help me more and seeing me makes him feel useless as he can not do much for me!!!!! I just smiled, I lost all the words that had been building up in my head, but actually it was not so much losing as knowing should I speak my mind I could risk being seen as depressive or labelled as a 'difficult patient' so carried on smiling and reassuring him that he is not a useless doctor. After his long speech of me being a complex patient that can not be helped, came his peak performance as he turned around and said ' can I offer you a chocolate that will help' !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I opened my eyes and ears just to confirm to myself if this was true, yes... yes it was real my GP refused to refer me to specialist or have my pain investigated as he 'knew' it was caused by my condition and his only solution was ....yes simple chocolate. My response was a nervous laugh and said 'no thank you, its fine. It was a strange feeling, as I said before, not just anger but mixture of things, I felt slightly pathetic as though I was a child that is about to be injected with the biggest needle and is told this chocolate will make the pain better, I felt weak, betrayed by someone I had entrusted with my health, and at a loss. How will the chocolate help? I keep wondering to this day what would have happened if I had taken his offer and then rang few days later and said, 'I still have the same pain and the chocolate did not help'!
An idea has came into my head as I am writing this blog, actually it is more of an explanation of the 'chocolate offer'. I guess his intention was to make me happy and forget my pain and problems by eating chocolate, something that quite common among people, I have heard few friends and others saying that through bad moods or monthly cycle they feel the need to eat chocolate, simply because it brings their sugar level higher and ultimately increase their energy and self esteem by enjoying a desired craving, all of which contribute to making them feel better physically and mentally. So was he right? did I over react? am being too judgemental? from my perspective no, he should have at least attempted to run basic tests to determine the cause of my pain, he could have talked to me as an adult, and if you were going to offer chocolate then at least offer decent good brand. I leave you this week with my usual thought, if doctors can use chocolate as a method of treating patients, then imagine all the NHS money that could be saved, we would have a happy high spirited nation who will probably suffer from diabetes, overweight and teeth decay, But will have cut cost and increased Dentists profits.
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