Pain relief conversation!

I doubt there are many people completely happy with their lives, as humans we are always striving for more, and always seem to lack something, not satisfied with life, convinced that we are the only ones that suffer and others have easier and better lifestyle. Fair enough, who is not guilty of thinking why me? Why can't I be like so and so that have everything? Why do some people have it all and I am the way that I am? Yes these are questions that invade our head at times but not many of us will voice them out loud and especially not to strangers or people we have just met. But then we are not professional nurses, who it seems have different ideas to us.

Two nurses went on their daily visit to a friend of mine whose health and ability got weaker over the last three years, to the extent she is at hospital almost 4 times a week, and GP has advised her to stay at home for they do not know when she will need urgent admission or district nurse visit. The problem started when the regular nurse brought a new nurse who will help them when and if they are short staffed, so she wanted to show her what my friend needs, as they started to make conversation to distract my friend from the procedure as it is very painful, the regular nurse asked my friend if she managed to go and see the Paralympics game and my friend replied yes, at that moment the new nurse commented 'you are so lucky, as are all disabled people' my friend laughed and did not comment assuming the woman was joking, I mean where is the lucky break in going to see an event that everyone had equal chances of seeing?? question that remained stuck inside my friend's head, but the new nurse did not stop there, and to make her lack of common sense shines further, she informed my friend that she has a relative who feels sorry for people with disability but she tells him no, don't pity them they have a better life than us, so many facilities, exemptions, special offers, and everything is catered for them'. My friend was speechless, just as I was when I heard about the incident. My friend could not stay quiet, so she asked the nurse to elaborate because what she just claimed bears nothing to reality which we live every day, then said look at me, I have been almost bed bound for the past 3 years do you still think I have a better life? The nurse did not give up and carried on her argument saying 'well the government looks after you'!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You get free tickets for your carer!!!!!!!!!

My poor friend just gave up at the point, thinking I would have rather tolerated the pain of the procedure in its full glory rather than listen to the knowledgeable nurse!!

As I write the blog I am still stunned by the words of this nurse, evidently education does not mean common sense and professional titles does not ensure you have care, knowledge and compassion, how can any senior nurse goes to visit a sick  and weak person and tells them they have a better life than physically able people? How can she dismiss the person pain and suffering and all for what? A free ticket that would cost 40 pounds? I would love to ask that nurse for 40 pounds would you sacrifice your health, ability and freedom?? would you go to hospital almost daily, will you wait for carers to get you ready and then wait for someone to prepare food for you and that is not even addressing all the other issues, such as public transport, access to buildings and amenities and the fact that you are constantly judged on your appearance and ability!!!!  I do not blame people for thinking that but to actually say it to such vulnerable person and by an experienced profession is inexcusable. If we assume that she has never worked or encountered people with various impairments, has she never watched the news or watched TV or read newspapers? Does she not know that many court cases over the right to die are by people who are severally impaired? I wonder if she still thinks they are lucky. Maybe they are so lucky they want to escape this world so they don't get envied!  

As a child growing up in a mainstream school, I often had children saying oh not fair you are so lucky you don't have to do PE, oh why are you allowed to leave early? Wow you are so lucky you have your own bus to take you, why you don't line up for school dinner? Not fair!!!     Yes they were right, not fair, but they were children who judged things from visual facts without understanding the full story. They had no idea that no I wanted to wait in the line for school dinner, I did not want to leave early I wanted to go on the public bus with them, I did not want to be different, did not enjoy it and made me feel uncomfortable as it built a wall between me and other children, and even if it did not then it limited my interaction with them, you form special friendship walking home together, or leaving school at the same time etc. all these things I along with a lot of other disabled student were deprived from yet people saw us as lucky, and honestly I am to blame for that as I never corrected them for fear of being less, of seeming weaker and I was so desperate to be their equal!

But as I said these were children and this is a professional nurse, why enter a career that requires certain qualities such as care and compassion and show none of it?  Ironically people with impairment are usually judged on appearance so they are either dismissed or pitted in this instant they are envied for their lack of ability!